A common reason people often don’t ask for help is because they fear rejection. Yet, asking for help is especially important when it comes to balancing the challenges you’re facing in your personal and professional life, or starting out in a new role. In the context of leadership, asking for help becomes vital to the mission and vision set before you.
Dr. Heidi Grant, a social psychologist who researches, writes, and speaks about the science of leadership, is an expert on the topic of asking for help. In her best-selling book, Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You, Dr. Grant discusses this common struggle we can all relate to. “Many of us need help more than ever before,” said Dr. Grant in her 3 Things To Do video series, offering science-based tips for common challenges. “The truth is, we all need help getting ourselves to ask for help.”
The truth is, we all need help getting ourselves to ask for help.
Named Thinkers50 as one of the most influential global management thinkers, there’s much to learn from Dr. Grant’s extensive research and expertise on the science of leadership.
We’re excited to welcome Dr. Grant to the stage at The Global Leadership Summit coming up in August 2022. Get your tickets to join us, and until then, enjoy a preview of Dr. Grant’s insights on three science-based tips to ask for help and get it.
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3 Science-Based Tips to Ask for Help and Get It
1. Be specific.
“Very often, when we ask other people for help, our tendency is to be a bit vague and indirect,” Dr. Grant explains. “Maybe we don’t want to come across as too pushy or too demanding. But the truth is, vague and indirect requests for help can often come across as a little bit threatening. If I don’t know what it is you exactly want from me, I’m going to have a hard time gauging whether or not I can actually give you that help, and nobody wants to give bad help. Nobody wants to let other people down, so people are often really reluctant to meet commitments when you haven’t been specific about what it is you’re asking for.”
2. Make it personal.
“Very often, our tendency is to want to ask for help in impersonal ways: by a text message or an email,” says Dr. Grant. “We do that because it feels more comfortable for us to not be in that situation live. You know what else is more comfortable? It’s more comfortable for the other person to say no when you ask for help via email or text. “Actually, there’s research that shows you’re about 30 times more likely to get a ‘yes’ when you ask for help live and in person.
You’re about 30 times more likely to get a ‘yes’ when you ask for help live and in person.
3. Help others feel effective.
“The act of helping another person is only satisfying when we know that our help landed, that it had a positive impact,” says Dr. Grant. “You can help other people to feel more effective by doing two things. The first is to describe what the impact will be on the on them and the help you’re asking for. So, if you ask them to help you on a particular project, take the time to explain what good that will do, what the impact will be. Then make sure after they help you, you follow up to let them know how it all worked out. That’s going to be really motivating for them to continue to want to help you in the future.”
4. Bonus Tip
Be sure to not make another very common mistake and send out an email to a whole bunch of people asking for help. “When you ask 20 people if one of them can help you with something, what’s going to happen?” Dr. Grant asks. “There is what’s called, ‘diffusion of responsibility.’ Every one of those people on that email sees that you asked 19 other people and assumes one of those people is going to help you, so they don’t even bother. If you have to ask for help by a text or email, make sure you’re writing individual emails and individual texts. That’s the best way to increase your chances for getting help.”
Want to be a more effective leader? Hear more science-based leadership tips from Dr. Heidi Grant on August 4-5, 2022, at The Global Leadership Summit. Get Tickets >>
The Global Leadership Summit
GLN Staff Writer | Globalleadership.org/SummitDr. Heidi Grant
Director of Research & Development | EY Americas Learning3 Science-Based Tips to Ask for Help and Get It—GLS22 Faculty Spotlight
TOPICS IN THIS ARTICLE
CommunicationEmotional IntelligenceInfluenceLeading OthersRelational IntelligenceA common reason people often don’t ask for help is because they fear rejection. Yet, asking for help is especially important when it comes to balancing the challenges you’re facing in your personal and professional life, or starting out in a new role. In the context of leadership, asking for help becomes vital to the mission and vision set before you.
Dr. Heidi Grant, a social psychologist who researches, writes, and speaks about the science of leadership, is an expert on the topic of asking for help. In her best-selling book, Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You, Dr. Grant discusses this common struggle we can all relate to. “Many of us need help more than ever before,” said Dr. Grant in her 3 Things To Do video series, offering science-based tips for common challenges. “The truth is, we all need help getting ourselves to ask for help.”
Named Thinkers50 as one of the most influential global management thinkers, there’s much to learn from Dr. Grant’s extensive research and expertise on the science of leadership.
We’re excited to welcome Dr. Grant to the stage at The Global Leadership Summit coming up in August 2022. Get your tickets to join us, and until then, enjoy a preview of Dr. Grant’s insights on three science-based tips to ask for help and get it.
ARVE Error: Mode: lazyload not available (ARVE Pro not active?), switching to normal mode
3 Science-Based Tips to Ask for Help and Get It
1. Be specific.
“Very often, when we ask other people for help, our tendency is to be a bit vague and indirect,” Dr. Grant explains. “Maybe we don’t want to come across as too pushy or too demanding. But the truth is, vague and indirect requests for help can often come across as a little bit threatening. If I don’t know what it is you exactly want from me, I’m going to have a hard time gauging whether or not I can actually give you that help, and nobody wants to give bad help. Nobody wants to let other people down, so people are often really reluctant to meet commitments when you haven’t been specific about what it is you’re asking for.”
2. Make it personal.
“Very often, our tendency is to want to ask for help in impersonal ways: by a text message or an email,” says Dr. Grant. “We do that because it feels more comfortable for us to not be in that situation live. You know what else is more comfortable? It’s more comfortable for the other person to say no when you ask for help via email or text. “Actually, there’s research that shows you’re about 30 times more likely to get a ‘yes’ when you ask for help live and in person.
3. Help others feel effective.
“The act of helping another person is only satisfying when we know that our help landed, that it had a positive impact,” says Dr. Grant. “You can help other people to feel more effective by doing two things. The first is to describe what the impact will be on the on them and the help you’re asking for. So, if you ask them to help you on a particular project, take the time to explain what good that will do, what the impact will be. Then make sure after they help you, you follow up to let them know how it all worked out. That’s going to be really motivating for them to continue to want to help you in the future.”
4. Bonus Tip
Be sure to not make another very common mistake and send out an email to a whole bunch of people asking for help. “When you ask 20 people if one of them can help you with something, what’s going to happen?” Dr. Grant asks. “There is what’s called, ‘diffusion of responsibility.’ Every one of those people on that email sees that you asked 19 other people and assumes one of those people is going to help you, so they don’t even bother. If you have to ask for help by a text or email, make sure you’re writing individual emails and individual texts. That’s the best way to increase your chances for getting help.”
Want to be a more effective leader? Hear more science-based leadership tips from Dr. Heidi Grant on August 4-5, 2022, at The Global Leadership Summit. Get Tickets >>
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About the Author
The Global Leadership Summit
GLN Staff Writer
The Global Leadership Summit (GLS) is a two-day infusion of actionable leadership insights and inspiration broadcast to hundreds of host sites across the United States every August. In the following months, the GLS is translated, contextualized and hosted by local leadership committees at hundreds of locations across Africa, Asia, Latin America, Europe and the Middle East. This global event convenes a world-class faculty who share their distinct perspectives and expertise, inspiring and equipping people around the world with practical leadership skills that can be applied within their context, wherever they have influence, and used to empower positive transformation where it’s needed most. Attracting an audience that represents various industries, including marketplace, non-profit, healthcare, education, government, ministry and corrections, the GLS has become a unique platform, unlike any other, bringing people together to not only empower better leadership within the organizations they represent, but in a growing number of cases around the world, this event also acts as a catalyst for organic local movements initiating systemic, city-wide change. What started as a single event back in 1990’s, the GLS has grown to attract tens of thousands of people today.
Dr. Heidi Grant
Director of Research & Development
Dr. Heidi Grant is a social psychologist who researches, writes, and speaks about the science of leadership. She is the Director of Research & Development for EY Americas Learning, and Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center at the Columbia University. Named often by Thinkers50 as one of most influential global management thinkers, Dr. Grant is also a contributor to the Harvard Business Review, 99u, Fast Company, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, The Huffington Post, Psychology Today, and has appeared frequently on CBS This Morning. In addition to her work as author and co-editor of the highly regarded academic book The Psychology of Goals, she has authored papers in her field’s most prestigious journals and has received numerous grants from the National Science Foundation for her research on goals and achievement. She is also the author of many best-selling books including her most recent release, Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You.