Published March 2, 2020

Episode 067: Chris Voss and Paula Faris on Negotiation

As former lead kidnapping negotiator for the FBI, master negotiator Chris Voss trains and advises leaders on complex mediations.    In this engaging interview, Paula Faris draws out stories from bank robbery and kidnapping negotiations–drawing out transferrable learnings along the way. Learn how Chris uses the specific techniques of mirroring, positive endings and identifying fear to build the tactical empathy that leads to positive outcomes.

Show Notes

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SUMMARY:

As former lead kidnapping negotiator for the FBI, master negotiator Chris Voss trains and advises leaders on complex mediations. In this engaging interview, Paula Faris draws out stories from bank robbery and kidnapping negotiations–drawing out transferrable learnings along the way. Learn how Chris uses the specific techniques of mirroring, positive endings and identifying fear to build the tactical empathy that leads to positive outcomes.

 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

  • Anytime a sentence starts with “I want,” “I need” or “I’d like,” you’re in a negotiation.
  • As you begin a negotiation, the other side needs to know that you see things from their point of view.
  • Let the other person know you see it from their perspective right away and you’ll get them talking.
  • Don’t say, “I understand.” Show them you understand. “I understand,” is shorthand for, “I want you to stop talking.”
  • Everyone can learn the skills in negotiation.
  • When in a negotiation, lean into your team. Your team will hear things that you don’t hear.
  • Mirroring is repeating 1-3 words that they just said. That will entice them to give you more information.
  • The last impression is the lasting impression. Positive calm endings will sway conversations in your direction.
  • In every negotiation, the person on the other side is asking, “How are you going to help me?” and, “Do you understand?”
  • I know the market and human nature.
  • Identifying negatives diffuses negatives.
  • Our greatest fear is the fear of the unknown. Injecting predictability into the situation, diffuses fear. Predictability builds trust.
  • “What’s the next step?” is a question designed to make you feel like you’re in control. You feel safer when you are in control.
  • Brain science tells us that the brain is largely negative. Fear of loss fuels our decision-making. The two-millimeter shift is to diffuse fear of loss by simply calling it out.
  • When communicating difficult information, use curiosity instead of accusation. This allows your statement to get past the other person’s defenses so they can consider it.

 

REFLECTION QUESTIONS:

  1. Chris Voss says that whenever you begin a sentence with “I want,” “I need,” or “I’d like,” you are in a negotiation. Think about an area in your life where you have recently used one of those phrases. For what are you negotiating? Who are the parties in that negotiation?

 

  1. Take a look at the list of tactics that Chris unpacked in this podcast below. How might you use each of the tactics in the negotiation you identified above?
    • Understanding the other person’s perspective
    • Mirroring
    • Positive calm endings
    • Identifying negatives
    • Creating predictability
    • Diffusing fear of loss
    • Curiosity

 

  1. What is one thing you could do today to move your negotiation forward?

 

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

IQ

EQ

Haiti

Carjacking

Chris Voss Session at GLS

Tony Robbins

RELATED LINKS:

Chris Voss

The Black Swan Group

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

Paula Faris

Journeys of Faith with Paula Faris

The Global Leadership Summit

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