Episode 073: Chris Voss on Facing Fear In Uncertain Situations

TOPICS IN THIS PODCAST

Communication Emotional Intelligence Leading Others

On May 5, 2020, the GLSnext Event Series hosted Chris Voss for a highly-relevant online event on Facing Fear in Uncertain Situations. Drawing upon 24-years of real-life experience as an FBI hostage negotiator, Chris shared seven key relational intelligence strategies that he used to lead people through unpredictable and fear-filled situations. If the team you lead, or anyone in your life, is struggling with fear in this season, this can’t-miss episode will help you calm the situation and help them move forward.

On This Podcast

Chris Voss

The Black Swan Group

Chris Voss founded The Black Swan Group, a firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. A 24-year veteran of the FBI, he was the lead international kidnapping negotiator and was trained not only by the FBI, but by Scotland Yard and Harvard Law School. In his book, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It, Voss breaks down these strategies so that anyone can use them in the workplace, in business or at home.

Danielle Strickland

Justice Advocate

Danielle Strickland is currently based in Toronto, Canada. She loves Jesus and she loves people. She is the author of 6 books with her most recent being Better Together: How Women and Men Can Heal the Divide and Work Together to Transform the Future. She is host of DJStrickland Podcast, ambassador for Stop the Traffik, as well as the co-founder of Infinitum, Amplify Peace, The Brave Campaign and the Women Speakers Collective. Danielle is a mom of 3, wife to @stephencourt and has been affectionately called the “ambassador of fun.”

Show Notes

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SUMMARY:

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

This coronavirus situation feels a bit like the movie Groundhog Day–the same day over and over. The point of the movie was that Bill Murray’s character just needed to get a little bit better every day.
As an FBI hostage negotiator, I had to lead when I wasn’t in charge. Stressful and unrelenting situations call for a more relationally-intelligent type of leadership.
The definition of stress is that it’s overwhelming and unrelenting. Unrelenting means you don’t know when it is going to be over.

1) Don’t pay attention to the media.

The media heightens your awareness of the bad going on in the world.

2) Communicate in a late-night FM DJ voice.

A low, calm voice causes an involuntary response with the neurons in your brain that reassures people and calms them down.

3) Say, “I want you to be scared.”

Telling people to be scared actually snaps them back to a rational mindset. It actually causes them to think of all the reasons they should be scared.
The quickest way to de-activate fear is to call it out.

4) Instead of saying, “We’re all in this together” say, “I know you’re scared.”

We want people to know we are with them, but telling them we are with them is not an effective way to soothe their fears.
If someone is in quicksand, it doesn’t do any good for you to get into the quicksand with them.
Instead, say, “I know you’re scared.” This is what I did with kidnap victims.
In low-stress situations, you can be more tentative with your words (i.e. “it seems…”) but in high-stress situations people want to know that you know.
Use phrases like this: “I know you’re scared.” “I know you’re angry.” “I know you feel alone, abandoned and isolated.” These phrases communicate “I’m with you” more than just saying “I’m with you.”

5) Don’t say. “but …”

If the word “but” is getting ready to cross your lips, it’s a good time to go silent. Nobody wants you to put your “but” in their face.
Instead go quiet and let your words of understanding sink in.

6) Call out negative emotions.

It reduces fear to call out fear.
Start a difficult conversation by calling out all of the things the other person might be feeling—anger, disappointment, fear.
Calling out the negative emotions gives you the best chance of mitigating fear.

7) Create predictability.

In crisis, trust = predictability.
You may not know when or if you are going to have good news, but you can relieve people of some stress by letting them knowing when they are going to hear from you again.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS:

1. Take a few minutes to reflect on how the coronavirus pandemic is affecting your leadership right now.

What situations are concerning you?
How are the key people in your life responding?

2. With the situation(s) you identified above in mind, go through the seven tips on how to lead in stressful, unrelenting situations. Which one would be most relevant for you to try right now?