Month: December 2019

How to Avoid Rejection Infection

There is a yes or no check box, with the no box checked in.

We have all been rejected at some point in our lives.

For some of us, the rejection came at a young age. For others, it’s a far too recent memory. For some, it came from a family member. For others, it was a co-worker or friend. For some, it stung. For others, it stuck with you for years and you may even still struggle with it today.

It has happened to us all.

In my early 20’s, I was very interested in the political scene. In fact, I thought that at some point I would run for public office. When I was invited to a campaign event for a guy I really wanted to meet, I thought that this was going to be my big break. He was going to meet me, we were going to hit it off, and I would be on my way to being a senator or governor.

Forgiveness will help you avoid the infection that can so easily settle into our hearts and minds.

As I walked into the event, I immediately spotted him. I was nervous, but excited. As I made my way through the crowd, I finally was close enough to be introduced. We shook hands and the moment was over in less than 5 seconds. He couldn’t have seemed more disinterested in meeting me. As the night went on, I remained hopeful, only to be disappointed when the night ended and there was no magical connection.

I felt rejected. Why didn’t he like me? Why didn’t he want to get to know me? Was it that I was too young? Am I not personable enough? Did I look poor or incapable of helping him in a tangible way? I was crushed.

Since then, I have been rejected more times than I can count.

Sometimes it was an insignificant rejection by someone I didn’t know well. But, often, the most painful rejections come from those who are closest to us.

 

In those moments, I have found there are four steps I can take to heal from the hurt.

 

1. Confront.

If it’s possible, go directly to the person who rejected you. Clarify what happened and find out if it was a misunderstanding or if you misinterpreted what was said or done. Sometimes you can feel rejected when the other person meant nothing by it.

 

2. Forgive.

Forgiving a person who has rejected you is hard and requires grace and humility. Forgiveness in this context most often happens without an apology from the offender. However, forgiveness will help you avoid the infection that can so easily settle into our hearts and minds.

 

3. Move On.

Sometimes this is the only solution possible. You’ve been hurt. You’ve been rejected. Move on. It’s your choice to hang on to the hurt and allow it to paralyze you or move on and find what’s next.

 

4. Let Go.

Even after you confront, forgive and move on, the memories still linger. You can find yourself reflecting on what you wish would have happened. Letting go requires you give up control. Letting go means giving up your entitlement to retribution. Letting go means you stop feeling sorry for yourself. Letting go requires the most of us, but also brings closure.

Letting go requires the most of us, but also brings closure.

 

As you consider the rejection you’ve faced in your life, which of these four steps do you think you most need to take?

I would encourage you to take at least one step and navigate your way to avoiding the rejection infection. You will find on the other side that you are healthier, stronger and better positioned to experience success.

My Broken Past Redeemed to Empower At-risk Teen Boys for a Life of Purpose

Boys playing Africa

In July 2012, I met a group of 100 boys at the Nairobi Remand Prison. I was overwhelmed by what I experienced. They lacked responsible parenting, male role models and father-figures. Having grown up with the same challenges, I identified with them. This encounter, and God’s calling on my life changed the trajectory of the rest of my life from one of safe, comfortable success, to one of following God’s calling to see young men gain clarity, confidence and become the best they can ever be.

When the man I thought was my father passed, my life spiraled out of control.

The man I had thought was my biological father died when I was 13 years old. It wasn’t until he passed that I found out he wasn’t my father. My life spiraled out of control.

…God’s calling on my life changed the trajectory of the rest of my life…

When he passed, my mother refused to get inherited. So, our family, including my mom, myself and three siblings, were declared outcasts in our village. Life was tough. I used music, reading and writing to make up stories to take away my pain, trauma and loss. During this time, I began to develop a passion to become a writer who would inspire male teens to focus on what they had. Little did I know I would one day come to use the same things to inspire male teens in juvenile prison.

God used the broken pieces of my past for love and compassion in my present.

James Ouma sewing buttons for young boys

 

When I was 32 years old, I finally had the courage to apply for a job as a children’s TV producer in 2008, despite not having a degree in communications or journalism. My work involved spending lots of time with school children.

I began developing tools to help boys nurture their gifts. That’s when I visited a juvenile prison for the first time. The boys I met there looked like a reflection of myself. I felt love, compassion and responsibility towards each of the boys and soon devoted to having mentoring sessions with them during my days off. Most of these boys had low self-esteem and believed they were destined to fail.

I felt love, compassion and responsibility towards each of the boys…

I soon discovered that 90 percent of the boys did not know what they want to be when they grow up. 60 percent of them had not been visited by their families. They needed someone to accompany them to court. They also needed someone to visit their families and the people they had wronged. But when they got released, they soon returned to prison as hardened criminals. These boys needed intervention to break the vicious cycle of crime and re-offending. I was determined to help the boys reconnect with their families, the people they had hurt and help them set goals. So, I started meeting the families of the boys, the people they had wronged and later quit my job to focus on building a career in writing so I could develop a prison program. I used my salary as a producer to visit prison, visit families and the people the boys had wronged. When I didn’t have enough, I asked for help from friends or walked on foot to visit them.

When my supervisor at my job heard that I was visiting prison, she asked me to choose between focusing on my job or visiting prison. I thought about the salary I was earning from my job, which I enjoyed. And then I thought about the boys, their families and their future lives.

A difficult choice—comfort or calling

Choosing between my job as a producer and visiting prison was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever had to make. Six months later, I quit my job and founded Lifesong Kenya. In the beginning I worked alone, often hungry and staying with friends because I could not afford rent. I went to the furthest corners of Nairobi, tracing the families of the boys in prison. As a volunteer, I thought about my future and wondered whether I had lost my mind! But I kept believing in my vision because I knew I was in God’s will. A year later, I got married to the love of my life who believed in my dreams and vision for boys in detention.

I thought about my future and wondered whether I had lost my mind!

These boys have become part of my life. Each one of them is a wonderful person who deserves a shoulder to lean on and a new beginning. Seeing the exceptional young men I coach thrive gives me satisfaction and fulfillment. It gives me joy to see exceptional young men gain clarity, confidence and become the best they can ever be.

Lifesong Kenya has grown into an organization that now conducts its programs from Monday to Friday every week to empower at-risk male teens with employable skills, character development, financial literacy, and healing and reconciliation with families, police officers and those they’ve wronged. The transformation happening outweighs the personal sacrifices and numerous challenges that my wife and I face sustaining the program. This journey has changed the way I look at my life, purpose and what I have to offer in terms of transforming lives through sharing the love of Christ and leading by example.

Inspired by The Global Leadership Summit to press on

Liz Bohannon and AggieFor the past few months, I have been preparing for our cycling event to raise funds for Lifesong Kenya and I was feeling overwhelmed. Were it not for a pastor in my church, I wouldn’t have even dreamed of attending The Global Leadership Summit this year. But I am glad that God has provided me with the inspiration I needed for my calling to reconcile male offenders with their families and their communities. I really resonated with Liz Bohannon’s example of focusing on making just one friendship and working towards empowering lives. I’m inspired to run our cycling event to raise funds and have shifted my focus on empowering one boy in 2020.James Ouma training for cycling fundraiser

 

006 Sam Acho: For Believing in Yourself

Be inspired and challenged to imagine your own opportunity for positive impact and change through others’ stories.

Sam Acho 

The Global Leadership Summit 

The Global Leadership Summit Prison Ministry 

Global Leadership Network 

Matthew 25:34-36 

Colin Kaepernick 

Louisana State Penitentiary 

International Justice Mission 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

Washington Redskins 

Chicago Bears 

Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship 

University of Southern California 

Reggie Busch 

Matt Leinart 

Pete Carroll 

Vanderbilt University 

University of Texas at Austin 

Brian Orakpo 

 

I Love Jesus But Hate Christmas

A beautiful family room all decorated for Christmas including a fireplace, a tree and gifts.

It’s the busy season. Can you feel it?

As leaders in the local church, the holiday time can be crazy. We are getting ready for the most attended services each year—services that have the largest reach for people who wouldn’t normally set foot in our doors. And these are the services that can suck the life out of us if we aren’t careful.

I often tell myself that I’m not alone. Everyone’s got a busy season. If you’re an accountant, the lead up to April 15th is your busy season. If you work in retail, Black Friday is your jam. If you like sitting in your La-Z-Boy watching basketball, March is madness for you. Having a busy season isn’t anyone’s special privilege; we all get to figure out how to handle life during that time.

As a younger leader, I tended to let the busy season take over, with no real boundary-setting on my part. There were a ton of potential visitors to our church for the Christmas season and we couldn’t let them down. It was time to crank out the work and when it is done, recovery could begin.

It probably won’t surprise many of you to know that this genius plan didn’t work for very long.

I was a shell of a person on Christmas day and my family didn’t like me or the church very much.

 

So how can we get to the end of this year with a different result? Here are a few ideas:

 

Cast Vision For Your Family

You know this, but your involvement in the local church is a sacrifice, especially at this time of year. But you’re not the only one putting in the long hours, your family is as well. Your spouse has to pull it together for the kids while you’re trying to pull it together for your church.

There was a big moment in my life when my wife called me on the carpet for spending all kinds of energy to cast a vision for my team on the importance of these services, but I didn’t spend any time casting a vision to my family for what we were all about. Why was dad gone so much? What was the point? What part do my wife and kids play in making that possible?

My family needed to know they were participating in the ministry I was doing at church. It became less about me abandoning them, and more about how can we do this together? What are we doing at home to make what’s going on at the church building actually happen?

This idea of casting a vision to my family also led them to be more involved in what was happening at church, not just sending me off with a smile. Bringing Christmas cookies to some late-night rehearsals, showing up during a workday to spread some Christmas cheer (Nothing raises the Christmas spirit quite like little kids dressed in holiday garb!), and helping set up decorations in the lobby were all ways that our family joined together to help our church’s Christmas season happen.

As a result of having a vision for our family at Christmas, we ended the year being able to look back and remember all that God did in and through our family, and not just wishing that next year’s Christmas would be better.

 

Make a Plan

Just like we need to introduce some strategy into how our family thinks about Christmas, we need to be strategic with the time we have available.

Sit down with your calendar and map out the responsibilities you have. Then figure out how to use the rest of the time in the most strategic way possible.

As I mentioned earlier, I used to let the Christmas season drag me along until the end of the year, with no thought that things could be any different.

Sit down with your calendar and map out the responsibilities you have. Then figure out how to use the rest of the time in the most strategic way possible.

Until 2001 when things changed for me.

I’m a huge Lord of the Rings fan, and in 2001, the first movie was coming out during the Christmas season. Right in the middle of our rehearsals. I’m not usually a “go see a movie at midnight on opening day” guy, but this was LOTR!

I told my team that I didn’t care where we were in the rehearsal process, we were shutting it down so that I could go to this movie. Before that time, we just kept plowing through until the early morning if that is what was required. For me, it felt like a big risk to give up that rehearsal time. In reality, it didn’t seem to affect the end product in any way. In fact, in subsequent years, it became our Christmas tradition to shut down rehearsals and we went to the LOTR movie on opening night together.

This opened my eyes to the fact that without a plan, all the time I have will get filled up with Christmas stuff. But, if I have a plan, then what is important to me will happen, and Christmas will fill in the empty spaces.

What are we doing at home to make what’s going on at the church building actually happen?

Having a plan revolutionized the time with my family. Instead of wishing we might stumble on some time to take the kids to see Santa at the mall, we put it on the calendar, and it happened. If there was a family gathering, it made it to the calendar. If our team needed a Christmas party, we put it on the calendar ahead of time.

The run up to Christmas is not easy. For those of us working in the local church, it is and probably always will be our busiest season. Instead of wishing it were different, we can embrace it and turn it to our advantage. Like most things that matter, that will only happen with a clear vision and a plan to make it happen.

 

I know it’s December, so you’re probably already starting to get buried by Christmas. But it’s never too late to sit down and figure out what matters and what doesn’t, then make a plan.

If nothing else, you’ll get a chance to try out a few ideas now, and then be ready for next year’s Christmas season.